There’s a big question we all need to consider.
It’s not easy, in fact, it’s pretty confronting…. but it needs to be asked.
This question is:
Are we letting fear run our culture?
Over the last couple of years, we’ve seen a lot of fear and confusion dominate the narrative in politics, news, and entertainment.
And while some of it is merited, the uncomfortable truth is that the media often profits from provoking distress and emotional unrest. This is undoubtedly at the expense of our collective mental health.
Why? Because fear doesn’t help build a healthy immune system, it doesn’t help promote loving and healthy relationships, and it definitely doesn’t make for good decision-making. In order to live the most fruitful lives we can, and to grow and prosper as a global community, we need to learn how to calm our anxiety and overcome our biologically pre-programmed fears.
So what exactly is fear?
Fear is, at its most basic level, is one side of the emotional “fight-or-flight” system (the other side being rage).
While it is designed to work as a type of compass for safe and appropriate behaviour, it often isn’t very effective.
In modern life, fear typically serves as a psychological barrier to stop us from doing something dangerous. But because our environment has changed drastically over the last 20,000 years, the fear-provoking stimuli has also changed. As a result, there is an incongruence between the degree of actual threat and the size of the fear response. This is why an unexpected call from your boss can make your palms sweat as if we were about to be chased by a lion.
Fortunately, however, we can re-program our brains to our new environment and overcome these fears.
Here are 6 of the most powerful human fears and some practical ways you can triumph over them.
1. Fear of Injustice
Rage and fear are closely related; Rage is similar to a fear response in which the choice is to fight, as opposed to fleeing or freezing. Somewhat unsurprisingly then, we see that the majority one-on-one homicides are committed over feelings of injustice.
Because our brains evolved to co-operate in small-scale societies, we have ‘counter-dominance’ instincts to facilitate collaboration. In the case that we feel an injustice, we react strongly.
Overcoming the fear of injustice is difficult, as it requires rational thought and critical reflection; also known as top-down processing. At the moment of perceived injustice we will believe that the threat is unfair, so overcoming this means having to put such an injustice in perspective.
Recognise that if someone cuts you off in traffic, or pushes in front of you in a queue, their actions were unlikely to be a direct attack on you and any anger is just your own brain’s response, which you have the ability to calm and control. Though it may take some time, a meditation practice can greatly strength your ability to control this type of processing.
2. Fear of Physical Pain
Fear of physical pain is the most obvious type of fear we experience.
We fear this type of pain because if we didn’t, we could end up harming ourselves physically.
Some fear of pain is normal, but many of us have an unhealthy amount that stops us from living a life that would bring us much more joy.
Paradoxically, those who are scared of physical pain experience more of it, meaning that the more you learn to overcome this fear, you less discomfort your brain will register.
Getting over the fear of pain is, somewhat unsurprisingly, a matter of simple conditioning. To do this, you need experience small amounts of physical pain, then exposing yourself to slightly more. However, this doesn’t have to be masochistic – you can start with simple discomforts like meditating and managing your anxieties, then move onto cold showers and short periods of fasting.
3. Fear of Death (or non-existence)
Ernest Becker’s 1973 work The Denial of Death theorised that human civilisation was just an elaborate response to the fear of our mortality, and an attempt to immortalise everything. This is consistent with other ideas such as Terror Management Theory, and some of the thoughts of Buddhism and Stoicism.
Certain Hindu sects go as far as to meditate on a human skull to reflect on the impermanence of all things, familiarise themselves with it, and try and overcome their fear of death. We also see this in European Cathedrals, with skeletons featured under images of people as they look in what was referred to as ‘momento mori’ – a reminder of death.
The reality is that the secular West has an unhealthy relationship with death, not seeing it as a natural part of life, but instead pushing it into the dark corners of our consciousness.
Whereas pre-modern cultures had to face death every day and thus saw it as a regular part of life, modern civilisation shields us from the process, creating a bubble of mystery and mythology around it that that leads to fear and insecurity.
One way to begin to overcome the fear of death is to reflect on it and normalise it. A simple Buddhist practice involves watching a plant go through the process of growing and dying and recognising that you and others will undergo the same experience as that plant.
4. Fear of Love & Intimacy
From a personal perspective, love and intimacy can be incredibly risky. For one, they require an investment of emotional capital that could end with a huge loss – which could manifest itself as trauma and even physically change the structure of the brain. There is even a name for this: Broken Heart Syndrome.
The fear of this emotional pain is also exaggerated by mental projections of what could happen, such as the fear of someone hurting you, blaming you, or altering your sense of self.
There are a couple of things you can do to rise above this fear. Firstly, value love and intimacy above all else. In the same way you take any risk in your life, you need to see the reward as being worth it. Focus on seeing less of the downside, and more of the upside.
Secondly, focus on the present moment, making a conscious effort not to let worries about the past or fears of the future colour your experience with another person.
5. Fear of Rejection
The fear of being rejected is an evolutionary mechanism, developed in the brains of nomadic hunter-gathers. It’s designed to encourage us to stay within social norms so we don’t get pushed out of the tribe and end up starving to death,
In the brain, physical and social pain pathways use the same neural substrates. Which means, from a neurological perspective, rejection physically hurts.
Research also shows those who are sensitive to one type of pain (e.g. physical), are also sensitive to the other (e.g. social). So overcoming your fear of physical pain can also aid you on the road to overcoming your fear of rejection and social pain.
Rejection is primarily a mental projection. So as with the fear of love and intimacy (and any other fear for that matter), focusing on what is happening now, as opposed to what could happen in the future or what has happened in the past, will go a long way to calming the storm.
It’s also important to recognise that rejection in the modern world is not the be-all and end-all, even though your brain thinks it is.
6. Fear of Failure and Success
Though we don’t like to admit it, one problem we encounter is when failure is more familiar to us than success. This causes our fear of success to be even stronger than that of failure.
Fear of failure and fear of success stem from the same root cause: fear of change. This is because the social part of our brains has placed us in a pecking order, with failure representing the potential to fall from grace and maybe even lose our access to resources, and success representing a challenge to the authority and also the possibility of failure.
As it is so deeply rooted in our psychology, overcoming fear is no doubt a difficult task. However, there are countless cases of great men and women throughout history who’ve found a cause worthy enough to inspire them to tackle their fear head-on.
“Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and freedom.” – Viktor E. Frankl
The scientific literature has shown that the most effective way to treat fears, up to this point, is exposure therapy. This process is done by slowly confronting the fear in small, manageable and measurable steps. Over time there is a reorganisation of neural fear processing so that our brains use more appropriate mechanisms when dealing with the fear-provoking stimuli. Many patients report improvements in as little one session, but the most effective results are seen over a three to six month treatment period.
If you’re ready to start using therapy to rewire your brain and crush your fears, listen up!
I’ve teamed up with the biggest Online Therapy Platform in the world, BetterHelp. They offer affordable and anonymous online therapy. I’ve used it, and it helped me through a really tough time.
I get it! Your time is limited, and it’s not easy bringing yourself to see a therapist (or two or three or four). This is why BetterHelp is so effective, if you don’t vibe with the therapist you’ve been matched with, they’ll assign you a new one (who specialises in what you’re dealing with) in 24 hours.
Right now they’re offering a FREE 7-Day Trial so that you can be paired up with one of their 2000 therapists and have a session at no charge.
Just fill in the brief personality questionnaire to get started now. If you sign up today and email me your confirmation, I’ll send you some awesome bonuses including:
- 7 Psychological Hacks for Depression and Anxiety Cheat Sheet
- The 3 Biggest Mistakes People Make When Starting Therapy (VIDEO)
- 3 x Guided Meditations for Depression and Anxiety
If you enjoyed this article or have any questions, please leave a comment in the comments section below or send me an email at email@example.com, I’d love to hear from you!